My youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD at age six. He is now fourteen years old, and I have had quite a journey advocating for his needs. During this time, I began to realize that many of my daughter’s struggles may have been related to ADHD. My son was much more recognized and easily diagnosed due to his overt impulsivity and hyperactivity. He does also have inattentiveness, but the previous symptoms are the ones that create havoc in the classroom and demand intervention. For her, she had inattentiveness that I now know is part of her ADHD and that greatly impaired her academic success. Her hyperactivity was not manifested in the same disruptive way as my son’s symptoms. Her hyperactivity was really shown in a much more invisible way, in that her thoughts were and are scattered and unfocused many times.

When she was 20 years old — and I by then was a much more informed mom — I sent her to an experienced center for ADHD for a diagnosis. There, she was indeed diagnosed with combined ADHD, which included hyperactivity, impulsivity, and inattentiveness. Once treated with medication, she called me with excitement: “Mom, I have never been able to sit through a class and then come home and study!”

With everything I know now as a result of my son’s diagnosis, I have felt so bad that I was not there for her in her younger years when she needed me to uncover the reasons for her impairments. Unfortunately, neither was the school, although at the time of her elementary school journey, ADHD had certainly been well researched.

Q: Can you explain a little more about how the ADHD presented differently in your daughter? As I alluded previously, my daughter’s struggles have been somewhat different than my son’s. Research shows that more boys than girls are diagnosed with the combined type of ADHD. Girls more than boys are diagnosed with the inattentive form, which as can be imagined, is not necessarily diagnosed as easily and as early in the journey of education. Friends in high school and college have accused her of being flaky and of being an airhead. She has admitted that she has, as a result, lost friendships. But of course, these were people never willing to understand. For instance, cleaning the apartment on a certain day and time with the other roommates is far too organized. Plus, operating in a group does not work for her. She will do it when she has decided that distraction (or lack of distraction) will allow! Sometimes I try to help her with others’ points of view and how her oppositional behavior and distraction at times get in her way. But then I’m not tolerated. So I smile. » Read more: Parenting Two Children With ADHD